unadulterated tory pish

Wed, Jan 11, 2012

Roll up, roll up. There’s a new tap been installed round the back of the Houses of Parliament and it’s dispensing a steady stream of unionist urine. In fact its reservoir seems to be limitless with no way to turn it off. A passing nationalist must have bumped into it and now no-one can stem its noxious flow. So let’s call in the plumbers to see what’s causing this torrent and make our way into the House, where a monstrous lake of political urea is positively overflowing.

We’re treated to the sight of a ranting Prime Minister apoplectic that a bunch of tartan upstarts should want out of his glorious union while the smooth talking but pointless post of Scottish Secretary tries to calm him down while shooting sideways glances at the Salmond PR machine. The Tea Boy smirks as Cameron plays with words (neverendum) but Mr. Moore is not happy at all, at all. While the business secretary who arguably will be most affected by this keeps his head down and says nothing. You see, no-one knows how this will play out. Last time anything like this happened was almost 300 years ago. 23rd June 1314 to be precise. Otherwise known as the Battle of Bannockburn, rumour has it that Alec Salmond prefers this date for the referendum. A bit cringeworthy in these modern times? Perhaps, I’ll grant you that.

But what sticks in the craw is the Prime Minister jumping out of his leather backed chair  shouting ’no you can’t, it’s illegal’. But who would have thought the carpeted corridors of Whitehall would become separatist glens down which the SNP hordes would charge? Cameron had no option but to walk into an ambush. That bit was easy. What’s not so easy is wresting legal control over the referendum from the cold dead hands of the union. As the half naked woaded up hordes try to break his smoking room door down he shouts ‘see the Scottish Secretary. He’s dealing with it’.

But Mr. Moore’s hands are politically tied. He can’t just hand over the keys to the door marked Exit, as Salmond envisages the outcome of the referendum to be. Instead, he wants to grant the SNP the legal right to hold a binding referendum. With strings. Who ever heard of the law with strings? You can’t say ‘ok, you can now legally hold a binding referendum but only if we tell you when to do it and which questions to ask’, any more than you can say ‘ok, you can shoplift now but only this shop’. It’s either legal or it’s illegal. It can’t be legal but only if it has Cameron’s stamp on it. That’s akin to printing unionist money. The law applies to the act of holding a referendum who’s result is binding, not the content of the questions or their number. People seem to overlook this fact amid Parliament’s sudden rush to be benevolent to its northern neighbours.

The tories have no mandate to govern north of the border and their one MP should be better housed in a museum. Add to that the fact that Alec Salmond is one of the most politically savvy politicians in Europe at the moment and this could go any way. I think this is the strongest attempt at independence yet. If Scotland can’t break away under an SNP majority led by Alec Salmond I don’t think it’ll ever break away. I watch and wait with interest.